Learning to Love Life: The MASKS We Wear

Learning to Love Life: The MASKS We Wear

A NEW Endeavor

When my sister was living here and we were out running around one day with the top down on the Mustang, we stopped at a Thrift Store just to see what they had - The ROC Thrift Store.  Unbeknownst to us, it was a Christian Thrift Store.

We walked in and were immediately spoken to - neither one of us were used to this type of hospitality - not in El Paso, Texas or in Carmel, Indiana - people just don't do that in those areas.

We found a very organized store with tons of clothes, household items, baby items, books, furniture, antiques, dishes....everything you could imagine....was there!

So we looked around and started "shopping" for clothes.  We found name brand clothes like; Levis, American Eagle, Aeropostle, Fang, New York & Company, and many other "high end" brands.  Some had price tags on them; $4, $6, but most didn't...those that didn't were $1.99!  We couldn't believe it....what great deals we were finding!  Needless to we were estatic with our found treasure box.

After being there for several hours and trying on the tons of clothes we found, we picked out the things we wanted most and headed to the check out!

When we got to the check out and the gentleman started ringing up our treasures, we found out that on Tuesday's and Friday's, any clothing item that is $3.99 or lower is only $.95!  WOW...........we couldn't believe it!  I will put it this way.......we walked out of that store with about $1000 worth of clothes and only paid $65!  So needless to say....every week we would go back - either on a Tuesday or a Friday.....and it never failed.....we would always find something...(high end brand of course) that we would buy. 

Well, I went there yesterday to see the new stuff they got in.  I looked around for a while, and this woman had spoke to me several times.  At first I thought she was a customer, but come to find out, she was working there.  She said "I really like those jeans you have on."  I said "Thanks, I got them here!" 

So we chit chatted for a while and she started explaining to me what the money spent there was actually used for; they have 7 or 8 discipleship homes, that house recovering addicts, people in need, teens that have gotten in trouble, and they provide ministry to children - most are at risk, and they work alot within the community - to keep the children from pursuing destructive activities.

I told her about my schooling background; criminal justice and now addictions counseling, and how I wanted to work with kids and teens in this aspect!  She said WOW, maybe you can help us out?!

So, she introduced me to an associate pastor and he invited me to attend their church in Petersburg, and to check out what they are all about, and to see if I would be interested in volunteering some time.

It's not a job, but it will be so worth the time and effort!  This is a new stepping stone for me, to be able to help those that are at risk ...... that's what I want to do with my degrees, so why not volunteer?  And in a Christian setting - what could be better!

My faith has been very weak for several years now.....so they (the church) will be helping me just as much!

Who knows......maybe it will turn into a job eventually, or open some doors to lead me in other directions to a job!

"THEY" always say.......people come into your life and paths are crossed for a reason!

Alcohol Abuse or Alcohol Dependent?

Do You Hide How Much You Drink From Others?

It Could Be the Sign of a Problem

By Buddy T, About.com Guide, Updated January 26, 2011

One of the signs that you may have a drinking problem is if you hide your drinking from others or lie about how much you really drink. If you have progressed to the point where you are beginning to sneak around with your drinking, you may already have a drinking problem.

Do You Hide Your Drinking?

If you are one of those drinkers who hides your drinking from those close to you or cover up or hide how

much you drink to others around you, ask yourself this question:

 

If your drinking is not a problem, why hide it?

 

Somewhere deep down inside, you know that your drinking has reached an unhealthy level. You know that your relationship with alcohol has crossed the line, or you wouldn't cover it up.



Are you an abuser or a dependent?

Q: What is the difference between alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence?

A:Alcohol abuse is described as any "harmful use" of alcohol.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV describes alcohol abusers as those who drink despite recurrent social, interpersonal, and legal problems as a result of alcohol use.
 
Harmful use implies alcohol use that causes either physical or mental damage.
 
Those who are alcohol dependent meet all of the criteria of alcohol abuse, but they will also exhibit some or all of the following:

*Narrowing of the drinking repertoire (drinking only one brand or type of alcoholic beverage).
*Drink-seeking behavior (only going to social events that will include drinking, or only hanging out with others who drink).
*Alcohol tolerance (having to drink increasing amounts to achieve previous effects).
*Withdrawal symptoms (getting physical symptoms after going a short period without drinking).
*Drinking to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms (such as drinking to stop the shakes or to "cure" a hangover).
*Subjective awareness of the compulsion to drink or craving for alcohol (whether they admit it to others or not).
*A return to drinking after a period of abstinence (deciding to quit drinking and not being able to follow through).

Typically, those drinkers who are diagnosed as only alcohol abusers can be helped with a brief intervention, including education concerning the dangers of binge drinking and alcohol poisoning.

Those who have become alcohol dependent generally require outside help to stop drinking, which could include detoxification, medical treatment, professional rehab or counseling and/or self-help group support.

Is "THIS" how you want to be seen and remembered?

Is "THIS" how you want to remain?



The Secrets We Hide

What is YOUR secret?

What secrets do you hide....not only from the one's you love and who loves you, but from YOURSELF?

What are you hiding?

What are you afraid of?

Some people "think" they are hiding or keeping their secret, when in reality.....

they leave a trail - a path, and their secret is found.

That trail can be of material things, emotional things or even metaphorical "things".

When you keep secrets or hide things from people in your life, it never ends up good.

When these people "walk" the trail you left behind, they feel lied to, decieved, hurt and even angry.

When you try and hide your secrets, and it directly involves or effects the people that care the most about you, there is no taking that path again, tracing your steps back on that trail.

When you lie to, deceive and hurt the one's that love you ......

you burn those bridges, and those bridges are what leads you back to the trails you left behind.

So when you decide that the trail you left behind, wasn't worth what you left searching for....

just remember this......

Were the secrets and lies really worth it?







Time Out

So I am taking a Time Out! 

Time out to let some things settle, and time to think about where I am in this game we call LIFE!

My life is in such chaos right now; school, marriage, son, family....

I worry about everyone and everything in my life, because I try so hard to make sure that everything is "perfect"....for everyone, that everything is taken care of, that everyone is ok, and I worry about who may be upset with me that day......what did I do now?

What i've come to realize tho.....is that THEY don't worry about anything!  They go on with their lives, they sleep fine and continue to do what they need to.  So why should I worry about everything?

No one seems concerned about me and my life; So.....I am taking a break, from to social networks on the internet, and from the phone.  I am going to concentrate on ME and what I need to do to make MY life work - to make ME happy!

I'm going to "escape" for a while....and pursue the things that I want to do, the things that I need to do....for ME!

No one but me can make MY dreams and inbitions come alive, no one but ME can take care of ME.

It's not being selfish, it's being self loving!

Who better to love ME.......than ME!!



Who Are YOU When I'm Not Looking??????

As most of you know, this is my new favorite song! 

Whenever I get in my Mustang, the top is down and good ol' Blake Shelton is jamming on my stereo! 

I literally listen to this song over and over the entire time I am in my car, as long as I am by myself of course, which is most of the time.

After listening to this song the first couple times, I got to thinking....

WHO AM I?  Who am I when no one's looking?

Does anyone REALLY know me? 

I think the only person in my life that really KNOWS me, or the most about me is my sister.  Not my parents, not my husband, not many people, and probably not even my sister, but she knows me the best.

I'm not even sure if I really know me!

As most of you know....i've been re-typing a life coaching manual for my sister, and I have learned so much, not only about how to help others, but about myself and MY life!

I have learned that I DON'T know who I am, what I want, what makes me happy, and if I am where I am suppose to be.

I have learned that I haven't actually "LIVED," i've just "existed".

There have only been a few times in my life that I have done something for myself, to make ME happy.

I've always been too busy doing things for other people or to make other people happy, even if it meant I was unhappy or even miserable by doing these things.

I've always been a "people pleaser", to make sure that things stayed on an even keel, to make sure that "for the sake of argument" ~ I never said what I was truly feeling, to not say the wrong thing ~ to just keep "peace".

But by doing those things, all I did was make myself unhappy, miserable, regretful, hateful, frustrated and even angry.

Who's fault is it......my own!

It's my own fault that I didn't speak my mind, it's my own fault that I didn't stand up for myself or for what I believe in.

It's my own fault that I wasn't being ME!

And now that i've learned a little bit about ME, it's going to be hard for others to accept the ME i've always been, but have never shown.

It's going to be hard for them to understand where "this" person came from.

It's going to be hard for them to accept the "new" me.

It's going to be hard for them, me and the relationships that I have with people. 

And what i'm afraid of the most I guess, is that I will lose those relationships because they will not understand, because they will not TRY to understand, because they are used to the "old" catering me.

I'm afraid that they will not even try to work through the changes.

The changes that I am making with myself, and the changes that need to take place in order for me to be happy, for me to feel alive, and for me to want to stay a part in the relationships.

I guess that's why so many people DON'T make changes, why so many people are afraid to show the "real" person they are.

Because it's easier to keep things as they are in order to maintain "peace" in the relationships.

But all the while, they have a war going on inside them, a raging war where they are tearing themselves apart, and killing their own spirit.

Spirits are meant to live, to be heard, to shine!

If we don't let our spirits shine, we become a hollow person, an empty body that just takes up space.

Why do we allow ourselves to get this way?

Why do we put on an "act" when we around people?

Why can't we be ourselves?

Why can't we show who we really are?

The real us?

Who are you, when no one's looking?

Who are you, when you are by yourself?

Who are you?

Take some time and REALLY think about this.

Are you happy with the you that you are?

Are you happy with the you that people see?

Are you happy with the life you lead?

Are you happy?

If you are not truly, 100% happy.....why  not?

Don't we all have that right ~ the right to be happy?

I'm not talking about...."oh I'm happy with the way things are."

Or "things are good," or "i'm content."

Why settle for things that are just "OK?"

Why settle for things that "are working?"

Why settle at all?

I think that is what is wrong with a lot of relationships....

people tolerate things, people deal with things, and most of all...

people settle for things, and they DON'T have to!

Who ever said that we "HAVE TO SETTLE?"

If we are not happy, totally 100% happy....why settle?

It is not being selfish to want to be 100% happy, it is not impossible to be 100% happy.

All you have to do is BELIEVE it, to WANT it and to DO it!

So I ask again.....

WHO ARE YOU WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING?

COULD YOU JUST LISTEN?

Another poem I found from my past......

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,

you have not done what I ask.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,

you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,

you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

LISTEN!  All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just HEAR me!



Advice is cheap; 75 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same paper.

I can do for myself; I'm not helpless - maybe dis-couraged and faltering,

but NOT helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,

you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,

no matter how irrational,

then i can quit trying to convince you and can get on about this business of understanding

what's behind this irrational feeling.

When that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make more sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people.

Because God is mute, and he/she doesn't give advice or try to fix things.

"THEY" just listen and let you work it out for yourself.

So please LISTEN and just HEAR me!

And if YOU want to talk, wait a minute for your turn -

and I will listen to you.