ME

I found this poem from a time in my life....years ago.....

ME

I am the only "me" I've got.  I am unique.

There are two major parts of me;

There is the inside "me" and the outside "me."

The outside me is what you see.

The way i act, the image I portray, the way I look and the things I do.

The outside me is very important.

It is my messenger to the world and much of my outside me is what

communicates with you.

I value what I have done, the way I look, and what I share with you.

The inside me knows all my feelings, my secret ideas,

and my many hopes and dreams.

Sometimes I let you know a little bit about the inside me,

and sometimes it's a very private part of myself.

Even though there is an enormous number of people in this world,

no one is exactly like "me."

I take full responsibility for "me" and the more I learn about myself,

the more responsibility I am going to take.

You see, my "me" is my responsibility.

As I know myself more and more, i found out that I am an OK person.

I've done some good things in life because I am a good person.

I have accomplished some things in my life because I am a competent person.

I know some special people because I am worth knowing.

I celebrate the many things I have done for myself.

I've also made some mistakes.

I can learn from them.

I have also known some people who did not appreciate me.

I do not need to keep those people in my life.

I've wasted some precious time.

I can make new choices now.

As long as I can see, hear, feel, think, change, grow, and behave,

I have great possibility.

I'm going to take those risks and those possibilities,

and I am going to grow and love and be and celebrate.

I AM WORTH IT!

Reaching Out to Teens about Alcohol and Drugs

Part One

Part Two

Finale

Some days

Some days I feel like a total failure....at EVERYTHING!

With my kids,

my career,

my marriage,

 my life.......

Why do I feel like I am the one who has to make everything OK for everyone?

Why do I feel like if things aren't OK, then I am the one that did something wrong?

Why do I feel like I am the only one who does anything to make things OK?

Why do I feel like I am the only one who cares?

Then after I stop and think about it.........

I'm like.....it's not MY fault!

It's not MY fault that kids don't listen,

they were taught right from wrong,

It's not MY fault the job I wanted to do is no longer my passion,

It's ok to change careers,

It's not MY fault that someone takes things out of perspective,

It's ok to say what I think,

It's not MY fault that people don't really LISTEN when I speak,

It's ok to say what I feel,

It's not MY fault that people choose to ignore the truth,

It's ok to be honest.

It's not MY fault people can't handle the truth,

It's ok to tell it anyway.

HOWEVER....

It is MY fault if I let others bring me down and make me doubt the person that I am,

so I am making the CHOICE to not let this happen.

I am a better person than that!

It's OK to be ME!



Kids these days!

After talking to a friend today......she is having "issues" with her twin teen boys .....heading down the "wrong" path. 

Since I have lived through this type of situation, and since it is my passion to help kids like this....I have decided to finally start my video blogs! 

My sister and I had planned on doing this, but never had the time to actually get it started.  It seemed whenever we got deep into conversation about a topic, it was too late to start recording, and we were never showered and ready to make a video!  LOL

So with that being said.....i'm hittin the shower, getting ready and going to make my first video blog!

I hope that I can "reach" this boys and make them realize that they ARE NOT invincible, and that they need to change the path that they are on if they want to make anything of themselves and their lives.

Wish me LUCK!

Friends!

So after posting on my facebook that I cannot make it home for Memorial Day to place flowers on  my son's grave or at the accident scene......I have had several friends offer to do this for me!  My heart swells with love...... as my eyes swell with tears......of happiness.....that I have such dear and caring friends!

I told one friend that I will just release a balloon in memory of Jordan, and she asked me when I was going to do it and she would release one too!  How cool is that?  So that got me to thinking.....hmmmm!  I am going to challenge all my FB friends/family to do the same!  I challenged/asked them all to fill the sky on Memorial Day.......with a balloon for every person they have lossed ..... put their loved one's name on the balloon or attach a note on the string and release it in their memory. 

 I also asked them to post pictures! I'm so excited to see how many balloons will be released!

PLEASE JOIN US ALL THIS MEMORIAL DAY..................................

The MASKS We Wear

I had made a comment to an aquaintence several months ago about me having to wear a mask to hide my true feelings, emotions, my true SELF!

It inspired her to write a whole blog page about the masks we wear......so today as I was catching up on Facebook.....I noticed someone else had mentioned the word "mask" in her post as well, so now....it got me to thinking about what I had said several months ago!

I have so much to say about this topic that I don't even know WHERE to start!
It seems like I have worn a mask my entire life......hiding my pain, my tears and my fears.

I was just thinking about this last night as well.  When and where have I ever been able to be ME?!

One place and time I can think of is when I used to go out with my girls, and DANCE!  Yes....I had to drink alcohol to loosen up.....to let my guard down.....to take off my MASK!  I felt so free and alive when dancing.......I got to "let go" of the stressors from the week; work, kids, parents, bills.....etc.!  I didn't have to pretend that everything was ok.....I didn't have to wear my "responsible" mask when dancing! 

Another place and time.....the 17 years I played softball!  Playing softball was my "out", my way of not having to worry about anything, other than catching and hitting the ball (which wasn't always easy).  I didn't have to wear my mask out on the field, or in the dugout!  My teammates accepted me for who I was.  Carefree, compassionate, full of integrity and sometimes even a little funny!  I could be me - whether it was playing 3rd base, pitching, catching or hitting a home run (which I did 3 or 4 times).....I didn't have to wear my "catcher's mask"....catching all the drama of the "real" world.

I seem to always be wearing a mask.....putting on the HAPPY face, so that no one will question or wonder why ......why is she not happy, what is wrong in her life.  It's all for the sake of argument - that I wear my many, many masks! 

The most tragic event in my life that has put a permanent mask on my face is when my oldest son was killed October 24, 2006, when he was only 19 years old! 

I wanted to scream, to cry, to yell at someone.....and I was told "bite your tongue....you don't' want to hurt anyone's feelings."   I was like "WHAT THE HELL?"  Don't hurt anyone's feelings?????  What about MY feelings?!  What about MY heart that has been broken - FOREVER!  What about ME?!  I know it may sound selfish, but still I say........."WHAT THE HELL?"   So....there goes that mask.....to keep quiet and smile.....and be nice......to the people that caused my son's death! 

I was told, by the people dearest to me....."Buck up and move on", you should be over it by now!  How dare they!  They have NO freakin' clue how I feel, what i'm going through, NO freakin' clue!  HOW could they say those things to me?  So......there goes ANOTHER mask......to cover up the pain of my broken heart!  A mask........to "look" like i'm ok, that i'm "moving on"!

WHY?   Why do we ALL wear all these different masks?  WHY don't we....why CAN'T we show who we really are,,,,,,what we are really FEELING?  WHY do we think or feel that we can't show our true selves.....our true emotions?

I personally am tired of wearing my masks....yes that is plural......many, many masks I wear, and I am tired!  Tired of keeping up with what one to put on for what occasion, for what day......which one to wear for the moment!  Why can't I just be ME?!

Why can't I be sad?  Why can't I be broken?  Even if just for a little while!  Sometimes I just NEED to feel my true emotions.......without someone, anyone...telling me "to get over it"!



WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUPERWOMAN?

I'm TIRED of hiding behind the MASKS!

What MASK(S) are you wearing?  WHAT are you hiding?  WHO are YOU?

PERCEPTION

When you look at this picure what do you see?
A beautiful sunset, awesome islands, a lone boat in the water?

If you think this is a beautiful picture......what makes it beautiful to you?
What draws you TO it?

Is it tranquility or serenity?
Is it the sun setting?
What makes it beautiful?

Is this a place you would like to visit?  Go on vacation to?  Run away to?
What is your PERCEPTION of this picture? 
What feelings does it bring to the surface?

What does this picture MEAN to you?


Now.......look at the next picture..........

What do you think about this one?????      It is the SAME picture, but with words added.

It has the SAME sunset, the SAME islands, the SAME boat............

The words written ......... do they change YOUR perception? 
Do they make YOU stop and think?

The words written......... are mine.............. that is my PERCEPTION when I seen this picture!
Yes.....it is a "BEAUTIFUL" picture..............but when I really "LOOKED" at it.........
it brought out deep feelings, deep emotions!

So, the next time you "SEE" a picture........really "LOOK" at it!
Look at it and try to 'UNDERSTAND' it!
See what your real PERCEPTION is of it.
What is it SAYING to YOU!
How does it make you feel?

I think you might be surprised sometimes!

I guess this is where the old saying "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS" comes from?!